Browse Professor Quotes

Lithium has changed my life

—Professor Colum Chem 359, Organic Chemistry, lecturing on his specialty, organo-lithium compounds
Should you find yourself struggling during this test, just remember that you did this to yourself. No one put a gun to your head and forced you to come to college.
—Professor Daniel, Collective Bargaining 100: Labor Relations in the 19th Century
The final exam will be much like the King Buffet. It will have lots of choices; none of them good.
—Government TA/Grad Student Alex Lust, before the final exam in Marty Schefter's Congress class.
If anyone can find a good reason why a freaking sponge has to wear trousers, I will give you an A in this course.
—David Mankin, Classics dept., on SpongeBob SquarePants
Evil, maybe, is the precursor to good.
But don't think along those lines too much,
because if you think along those lines too much,
you may become a Bolshevik.
—Prof. Jeremy Rabkin on Genesis, Good and Evil
I'm helping you conform to a mindless convention. We are going to sing songs soon.
—Professor Rick Bogel, English 270: The Reading of Fiction
So a student brings this fierce Rottweiler to class. The Rottweiler is fierce: it's been tortured
with electric shocks for years by Hunter Ripley Rawlings III.
—Professor Molly Diesing: Linguistics 203, Syntax and Semantics
Small animals are the most dangerous prey of all.
—Prof. Jack Carroll, Animal Science
All of a sudden, one-place predicates come leaping out at your face, like cockroaches in
Tucson, on a hot summer night.
—Prof. Molly Diesing, Linguistics 203: Syntax and Semantics
Poor people who do drugs get thirty years, rich people who do drugs get to be President.

—Prof. Dave Wharton on the economics of drug policy.
Once you're in prison, you're out of the labor force. You might be into forced labor, but you're OUT of the labor force.
—Prof. Dave Wharton, Econ 314, on unemployment.
I want to take one of those classes with Hunter Rawlings to see what a tool he is
—Hey it wasn't a prof but still funny
It sucks, sucks, sucking, sucks!
—Bill Bye, the Science Guy, in Astro 280 discussing the British sytem of measurement
Evil, maybe, is the precursor to good. But don't think along those lines to much, because if you think along those lines too much, you may become a Bolshevik.
—Professor Jeremy Rabkin on the Book of Genesis
Sublty is one of the casualties of war
—Professor Joel Silbey on the Civil War
Thats why I love Huguenot beer, it's the beer with no head...
—Professor George Boyer; ILRLE 140; When talking about how the Huguenots in Europe all got their heads chopped off.
Boy, the weather's horrible outside today, don't you just wish somebody would have cancelled school?
—Hunter Rawlings, Classics 258
I pay you a lot of money if you satisfy me.
—Professor Éva Tardos, CS482, on the importance of satisfying resource schedules
You want to see a bad teacher and I'll show you a university professor.
—Professor Kelly, Government 310: Power and Poverty in America
Putting toilet paper on trees is really weird. It's kinda like throwing hamburgers on a cow.
—Prof. Todd Ganson, Philosophy 100.2, looking at TP-ed trees on Dragon Day.
Ignore the formula, forget about it. Just do it (the problem).
—TA Stacy Hui Tang. ENGRD270 Section (Probability and Statistics)
Sick people from all over the world come to this school.
—Professor George Boyer, ILRLE 140, Development of Economic Institutions
How do you say CHALK in Portuguese? -Jiz
—Professor Mosse in CS414
Enjoy life, eat ice cream.
—Professor Mosse in CS414, making a stab at Roger Ebert, "the fat guy who beat the odds"
Unlike men, rabbits are immortal.
—Joseph Halpern, COM S 280: Discrete Math
There is always more than one way to skin a cat.
—Professor Kevin Kornegay
The Maoris ate the moas and that's why there are no moas anymore.
—Professor Eikenberry discussing evidence of mass extinctions caused by humans in recent history. -Astro 299
It says here: 'You are going to hell'...just wanted to let you know.
—Professor Scott Tucker on Poulenc's Litanies during the Cornell Chorus rehearsal.
You are actually pleading for your soul...you have a soul, right? Then, plea for it!
—Professor Scott Tucker to the Cornell University Chorus on Poulenc's Litanies.
What is sex for? What--didn't you ever go to dances or anything!?!? I bet the kids at Ithaca college would know!
—Dr. Robert Turgeon, asking a nervous class about the reproductive purposes of sex.
Don't kick a brick. You will only hurt your foot
—Prof Subrata Mukherjee discussing the shape of a parallelepiped, and ways not to create one for personal use.